Neurodiversity & the Power of Self-Talk
Self-talk can infiltrate every aspect of a person’s life, whether it’s positive or negative, and can have a huge influence on the way we feel in our day-to-day.
Many of us believe our thoughts and take them to be a true reflection of ourselves. As a neurodivergent person, you can often find yourself facing many challenges, obstacles and negative experiences early on in life. Because of this, we may start to compare ourselves to people who we assume find life easier, causing us to think negative thoughts such as “I’m not good enough”, or “I’m broken” – Many of my clients have been no stranger to this lack of self-acceptance, and I’ve come to realise that it is a challenge for many.
Believing I Wasn’t Good Enough
I have dyslexia, and it was a huge challenge for me growing up in school where there was so much value placed on the grades I achieved. I struggled to get A grades and so I’d constantly find myself believing that I wasn’t good enough, this also taught me to externalise my self-worth which meant I was putting a lot of emphasis on what others thought of me as I was growing up. The problem here, is when we externalise our self-worth we give other people the ability to cloud it with their different judgements and values, and so there becomes no consistency in our worth.
Shifting the Narrative
A revolutionary time in my life was when a coach advised me to start looking for my self-worth internally. I started to listen to how I talked to myself, whilst developing a list of things I was good at and focusing on what I wanted in life. By cultivating my own internal boundaries, the tone of my internal dialogue started to shift. I started to become more gentle with myself and was able to pick myself up if I noticed I was talking to myself in a harsh way, I soon realised that not all my self-talk was true. By mindfully listening to my thoughts I was able to develop a kinder, more positive self-talk, which allowed me to then decide my own self-worth. I could set positive boundaries around situations I faced by travelling through life on my own terms, rather than being so caught up with what other people thought.
Is your self-talk negative? Here are a few tips to help you shift your inner dialogue:
Identify negative thoughts – Recognise situations where your negative self-talk is elevated. If you can pinpoint these situations and notice when your negative self-talk tends to take place most, you can anticipate and prepare
Positive affirmations – Develop lists of the things you are good at, and things that make you happy. Focusing on the positives may be enough to redirect your negative thoughts. Try writing small reminders on post-it notes around your home and working environment
Try not to catastrophise – Many of us are guilty of letting that one negative thing repeat as a highlight reel in our head. Try to accept the situation, dissolve it, and move on
Set your own boundaries – Recognise and give praise to yourself for your own achievements, try not to let others set your boundaries for achievements
Nicola James
Psychologist and Founder at Lexxic
Take a look at our blog post: Neurodiversity: Why is it so hard to ask for help?